just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
