I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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