Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
