Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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