I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
