Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
