I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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