Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
