Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
