addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Church boner. Awkwardddd
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
