if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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