I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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