found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize