just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
its liver damage thursday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
