that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
