So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
