yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
