your room smells of hookers.
And success
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
