"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
