READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
