just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
