you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
