If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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