Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
