its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
