out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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