Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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