going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
