Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
