xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
