dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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