YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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