my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
