I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
