Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My ass is underappreciated
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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