fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
