I hope mine doesn't look like that
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
