I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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