I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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