We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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