She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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