It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
