As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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