One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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