I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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