he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
