she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
