Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if only i could text you this smell
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
