too bad you live with your parents still
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
