why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
