The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
