can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I will pee on everything he values.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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