just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
