is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
